I am a worrier.
I don’t wear that as a badge of honor, but rather like a scar.
Or perhaps its more like a scab – one of those that you pick at over and over until it bleeds and it never really heals.
- As a mom I worry.
- As a wife I worry.
- As a Christian I worry.
I worry about those I love!
The other day I was caught up in my thinking (worrying) and praying about a particular situation, and the thought struck me.
Lord, why does it hurt to love?
When we allow ourselves to love, we are leaving our hearts open and exposed. The more earnestly we love, the more vulnerable we become, and with every beat of our heart we are summoning pain.
- Sometimes our hearts are returned to us mangled and defiled.
- Sometimes we are left to collect the shards.
- Sometimes we never get our entire heart back at all.
Love hurts. And honestly, sometimes I hate that.
Why does something so beautiful carry such horrible baggage? Is it even worth it to love? Why would I invite more opportunities to love into my life, knowing it will bring the possibility of more pain?
- The thought of being rejected.
- The thought of losing someone.
- The thought of someone I love betraying me.
- The thought of someone I love being made to suffer.
Those things scare me! Do they scare you?
But you know what I thought about next?
And how He truly, more than I can imagine, knows how I feel. Not that He is afraid, or worried, but He understands fully the pain that comes with love.
As a mom, I believe the most unique love (humanly speaking) is that of a mother for her child. It is so fierce. So unlike any other kind of love we have.
But do you know where that love comes from?
Imagine that amazing, deep, and piercing love you have for your child (or any other person), and multiply that by, like, infinity.
That’s how much God loves us.
Because He is love. Love is woven into the very fabric of who He is.
And He has loved us from before we were ever even a thought. He died (and died is MUCH too unremarkable a word) for us. He forgives us. He picks us back up.
He loves us.
Think about how much it must hurt the heart of Love Himself when one whom He loves rejects Him. Or is ashamed to be associated with Him. Or simply finds this world more enjoyable or more important.
I find myself sometimes so afraid of what my broken, human idea of love may cost me. But think of what love cost Him. And yet, He chose love.
So yes. Love hurts. It may cost us. It may mean our hearts will be broken.
Then why love?
Because love is the very heartbeat of Jesus. It is perhaps the truest, most beautiful thing we will experience in this life. And it is what makes every day worth living.
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